Ooh, I don't know where this is going, not sure how this will play out. I have a feeling you're going to retaliate but I don't know how.
I know the situation isn't cool, I know it hurt your feelings. But it is what it is and I don't know what to make of it.
So, my co-workers bought me a "naughty" Halloween goodie bag. R found out about it. And that I took it for a test run. His feelings are hurt because I'd rather try those out than sleep with him. It's been about 3 weeks.
I totally get his feelings, but at the same time, haven't addressed the bigger issue. Why I don't want to sleep with him. In a nut shell, sex is not something I want to do with him. I don't feel connected to him. It's not an enjoyable act. It's not uncomfortable or anything like that, it's just not something I want to do with him. He doesn't inspire sexy feelings.
I think it's tied into how I think he sees me. He doesn't inspire any kind of feelings or attraction. I think it's been like that for a long time. He got many a pity-bang in the past decade.
And it's not like we haven't had issues over the years. We've tried to find compromises, but in the end, it always ends up where I don't want to sleep with him. Would we both be happier apart? Is it time to separate? Can we make it to a place where we can both be happy?
I'm wondering if he's going to cheat on me. I wouldn't be mad for long. I think I'd understand. And that's scary. Because when I'd think about this in the past, I would get upset and hurt and just offended. I think I would feel those things, but not to the same degree. I would know that it's more so to fulfill the need that he has.
This is either going to make us or break us. Soul searching time. I think I know where I want to go. I don't know if he knows yet.
10:01 a.m. - 2015-11-03