Fast forward about a month. We have our first marriage counseling appointment tomorrow. I'm nervous because I don't know what to expect. But I'm feeling clear because i figured some shit out.
I can say with confidence that I love the man. But as cliche as it sound, I'm not in love with him. I care about his health and well being, I care if he's happy or sad. I just don't care to be the one to jump into bed with him. He doesn't inspire those kinds of feelings in me, and I'm not about to sleep with him just because he's needing it. I'm done doing that. Been there done that, not going back.
He's been acting weird, like trying to see if he can get me to sleep with him. Using the bathroom with the door open (#1 only) showering with the door cracked open. Those are two very unusual things for him. He usually locks that door so no one can come in. It's kind of unsettling.
He was trying to be sweet last week, and doing his part to be on top of his chores. Even tried to slow dance with me in the kitchen. At that time I was still weirded out by things, so I didn't respond well. I think I just have to tell him, my epiphany. I was scared of how he'd react. That he'd just end things. But we'll see how it goes. I think it's the right thing to do at this point. I'm not sure if he thinks I just don't give a fuck about him. Because I do, I just don't love him in that other way.
8:35 a.m. - 2015-12-07